How to Look at Other Women - The Right Way

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When men look at other women...whose problem is it?

Dear WWWFM,

My girlfriend got mad at me when we were at a Montreal night club, and there were a lot of gorgeous women wearing next to nothing all over the place.

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I feel it's ok to peek, but not stare of course, but even glancing looks when I wasn't trying, like when I went to find the bathroom, I must have moved my eyes over some girls for a split second, and she got mad. Then when I made the effort to not let my eyes even accidentally point in any gal's direction, she got madder still, stating that "that" was even worse because she believed I wanted to so bad and it was obvious that I was trying not to. What am I supposed to do, gaze at the men? I suppose I could study the walls.

My girlfriend is beautiful, the most beautiful female in the world to me and I told her this so many times and in so many ways. I don't get mad when she checks out hot studs, unless she is fantasizing about them.

How is a guy supposed to go out with a woman and not see other women out there? What's up with that?

Dear Shane,

It sounds to me like your girlfriend may be insecure, maybe a tad unreasonable. I understand it's hard for a guy not to even look at women. And it's unrealistic for ladies to expect their men to never look at other women. Simply appreciating a beautiful woman's body shouldn't be grounds for an argument. But there's a difference between looking at a woman and "looking" at a woman. What's the difference? Casually glancing at someone is one thing, but leering at them, staring and ogling, whipping your head around to watch a woman is another. If you're doing this, her reaction is understandable. But if a beautiful woman happens to fall into your field of vision and you can't avoid looking at her and your girlfriend gets upset, then she has a problem. But it's your problem too because you are a couple, and you need to try to solve it together.

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See if you can talk to her about it. Could she be angry at you for some other reason? Is there some other problem in your relationship that the two of you aren't dealing with and this is just one of the ways that her frustration is showing itself? Invite her to tell you what she is thinking and feeling and be the best listener you've ever been in your life. Let her do all the talking, at least at first, because sometimes people don't say the most important stuff until after they've vented the obvious stuff. Maybe something will surface that you didn't realize was a problem and you will then have the opportunity to address it.

If you've done everything you can to dig deeper and find out if something else is going on, and she still overreacts, then maybe she is just a very insecure woman who doesn't believe that she is beautiful. It's amazing how the most attractive people sometimes have low self-esteem and problems with self-image. I don't know if this is her problem but if it is, then maybe you shouldn't patronize clubs that are crawling with gorgeous babes, knowing how difficult it will be for her. (Although I know that doesn't solve the real issue.)

It also wouldn't hurt to tell her often that you love her, think she is beautiful, and that she is your one and only (as you've been doing.) Giving her daily reinforcement of your love and attraction for her might help her to feel better about herself if she has a self-image problem. But only do this if you truly do love her and it's coming from your heart.



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