I'm Attracted to a Married Coworker

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"I have feelings for a married coworker..."

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Dear WWWFM,

I've been at the same job for almost 7 years. The first six of those were spent under a manager whom I'll refer to as Susan.



We got along great from day one. Through hard work and punctuality, I soon became her right hand man. She was already in her current (and only) marriage with two young children. Throughout these six years, I was loyal to her and our relationship was strictly platonic.

About a year ago, I was offered a promotion and accepted it. This meant moving to another department. I made it clear to Susan that she was a great manager and I would miss working by her side (I certainly do), but we would still see each other daily and would continue to be friends. Shortly after my transfer, I realized that I missed her more than I could've imagined and became attached to her emotionally and attracted to her physically.

Now, whenever I go to a company bar outing, I always sit with Susan, talk to her more than anyone else, and give her a hug good night when the evening's over. During the day, she will occasionally come into my office for work-related matters, and she'll come to my desk to use my phone or computer--always brushing up against me. I don't know exactly what she wants out of me. I would love to have an intimate relationship with her, but I can't forget that she has her own family that she goes home to every night.

With the economic climate the way it is in my state of residence, I would be a fool to give up this job. How can I continue to work with Susan and forget all these feelings I have for her, and at the same time keep my job and keep her as just a friend? I'm not a loser who has a problem meeting women. I've been referred to as a "stud muffin" who can go to a bar and get at least three phone numbers on a given night. I LOVE women and meet them wherever I go--but I have never had this sort of fixation on one woman like I have on Susan. Dear Dudley,

The first thing you should look for in a potential love partner isn't great legs, a nice ass, or blonde hair. The first thing you should look for is that she be AVAILABLE. This woman is married, therefore she is NOT available, therefore it would be in your best interest to let this one go, no matter how strong your feelings are. This is a friendship that will only cause you pain. It's a good thing that you no longer work in the same department because that makes it easier to avoid her. Don't encourage her to visit you in your office and stop seeking her out at bar outings. You need to go cold turkey on this one I'm sorry to say.

If it really tears you apart when she stops by your office, you might want to be up front with her and tell her what's going on and would she please stop visiting you. I know that sounds like an incredibly awkward thing to do but it would nip the whole thing in the bud and inform her that you have no intention of having an affair. It would also be better than allowing her to rub up against you and letting her think that's okay, which it isn't. And it would be better than acting cold and aloof and ignoring her, which would confuse her and hurt her feelings.

Why not be honest, which you can do without jeopardizing your job since she is no longer your superior? Tell her you feel uncomfortable maintaining a relationship with her under the present circumstances, with her being married and all. If she's a reasonable person, she'll understand. And maybe it will make her rethink her own marriage and why she feels the need to flirt with a coworker.

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Sometimes there's just no easy way out of things. You probably knew the answer to your own question but needed to hear it from someone else. I'm sorry this is so hard but the next time you eye an attractive coworker, refresh your list of the qualities you want in a woman and put NOT MARRIED at the top of the list.

What do you think about Dudley's problem?

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What Other Visitors Have Said

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similar situation  starstarstarstarstar
I am in a similar situation with a coworker, him being in a relationship but not married and not happy and me being married and not happy. I say if you ...

She might be unhappy and wants out  Not rated yet
She might be an individual who has more in common with you then the person she is with. Sure you can walk away, but you should speak to her about this....

Fail-safe-method!  Not rated yet
Hey Dudley,

Do yourself a favor and cut your penis off, otherwise you're going to do something you regret forever...

Don't do it!  Not rated yet
If the woman is married, you stand to lose a lot more than you will gain.

First the positives:

Yes, you may be able to attract a beautiful woman,...

Reverse Situation  Not rated yet
I'm the happily married women and sooooooo very attracted to a single co-worker. I want an intimate relationship with him, but I would also want him to ...

Poor Dudley  Not rated yet
I am a male in this situation as well, currently attracted to a female co-worker who is married with two children. We email very often and flirt. We've ...

she wants a payout not a relationship  Not rated yet
Have you ever wondered why she wants you NOW - after so many years she that did NOT want you??

Think - economic uncertainty - her age or failing looks ...

Feel the Connection  Not rated yet
Ultimately, we really connect with only a few people throughout our lives. It is not necessary to make this relationship into a marriage. You do not have ...

There  Not rated yet
I'm basically in the same situation. I met someone at work who at first said he was going through a divorce. That meant to me that both parties signed ...

Cut the ice  Not rated yet
Tell susan that you have an overwhelming uneasiness when she is around...tell her it is not an unpleasant sensation but a tension. Ask her if she has felt ...

sure...lol  Not rated yet
He didn't realize his attraction till later? B.S. He's the type of trash that encourages weak women to dump their husbands and take the kids away from ...

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