Men and Midlife Crisis - Will She Stand By You?


Think you might be going through a midlife crisis?

When men reach their 40s, 50s, or 60s and are stressed out by things like:

  • loss of a job
  • change in job status
  • illness or death of a parent
  • health problems
  • kids leaving home
  • sexual issues
  • wondering about the meaning of life
  • realizing they're not young bucks anymore
  • or any combination of these or other things, the women in their lives suffer too!

    You may be all wrapped up in whatever your particular issues are - and this is undoubtedly one of the most difficult times of your life - but don't forget about how you are affecting the woman you love!

    Are you behaving badly, acting irritable and becoming angry more easily? Are you making foolish mistakes with money, maybe even jeopardizing your income or savings? Are you turning to alcohol or other substances to help you cope? Are you contemplating having an affair or already seeing someone else on the side? These and other not-so-charming behaviors - just so you understand clearly - ARE DRIVING YOUR WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND CRAZY!

    If your relationship is already shaky, make no mistake about it -unless you talk to your partner, do some constructive soul-searching, get some counseling, and get to the bottom of your issues - you are in danger of LOSING HER!

    Women have an amazing capacity to stand by their man, to use a tired cliché, but the well of love is not bottomless. If up until now you have maintained your 'strong man' image throughout your adult life and been able to keep all your feelings and emotions to yourself, this would be a GREAT TIME to start opening up to your partner so she doesn't feel left out in the cold.

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    I'm not saying that sharing your feelings with her will necessarily solve all your problems. But it will go a long way toward reassuring her that she is still in the loop, and give her an opportunity to share with you how she is feeling about what you're going through. Remember, you are still a team, and you need her help during this time. If you push her away and refuse to let her in on your inner struggles, she will have to do whatever's necessary to survive, which might mean leaving you.

    "Whenever you find yourself in a situation that is not desirable, that leaves you unfulfilled in any way, your usually vague discontent causes you to strive for another situation. A clear-cut goal directedness and precise concept of a better way of life can succeed only when the present situation, with its lack, is totally understood. Striving toward a different situation when the present situation is not fully understood must result in failure and frustration." From Pathwork Lecture #139. Go to to read this entire lecture.

    Instead of just flailing around or jumping into situations without thinking them through in order to escape the pain of your current situation, try to see what's happening as an opportunity for growth, as a wake-up call for making your life better. And don't forget to include your partner in your search, even if her main role right now is "just" to be your sounding board or shoulder to cry on.

    Not all men and women make it past this midlife stage with their relationship intact, but those that do can come out stronger and feeling more fulfilled. Just remember that whatever you're going through, your partner is affected by it and still needs to know that you love her and want her to stay by your side.

    To more fully explore the topic of MIDLIFE CRISIS, visit, a GREAT RESOURCE FOR MEN.

    Read this excellent article from the New York Times about middle life blues.

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