I'll admit it.
Women can find a good many reasons to badger their husbands (or boyfriends.)
Sometimes we just can't help ourselves.
You see there are these socks and wet towels lying around the bedroom and bathroom that have been there for ages and we keep tripping over them.
And did I mention the garage that's so full of stuff you could launch an archeological dig in there?
Yes. The garage. The garage you said you'd clean... "when you get around to it..."
There you go! No more excuses! :-) =======>
Let's break this down.
What exactly is going on when a nagging wife (or girlfriend) keeps nagging so often and in such an annoying way that you've learned to tune her out, side-track her, get defensive, and any other avoidance schemes you've devised?
Here's what usually happens, in a nutshell:
She asks you to do X. Either you say you will do it, or you imply you will.
She assumes you've gotten the message and takes you at your word.
But a finish-by date hasn't been set.
Sound familiar? You see, there is slow build up to becoming a nagging wife...
Why is this happening? Well, there are two main factors at play here. Let's take a look at them:
So…What can you do to stop Nagzilla?
Wait for a quiet time when you won't be interrupted. Make sure kids are occupied or, preferably, out of the house. Tell your sweetie you want to have a talk.
Take turns talking about any issue or issues that are really bothering one or both of you. But here are the ground rules.
The listener MUST:
Look directly at the other, not interrupt, not form judgments about what the other person is saying, and not rehearse what you are going to say while s/he is still talking.
When s/he is finished talking, repeat what you think the person just said. This is to make sure you understand, because it's very easy to misunderstand someone. Ask if there's anything else. If there is, repeat the above. If not, take a deep breath, choose your words carefully (because words have power) and take your turn.
The talker MUST:
Use "I" phrases i.e. "I feel hurt when you ignore me," rather than, "You are a jerk when you ignore me," not call the other person names, try to stay calm, and stick to the issue at hand.
This might sound like a lot of work, but what were you expecting? A snarky list of ways to get a woman off your back? If you are serious about wanting to improve your relationship with her and get her to stop nagging you, this is the only way!
You have to talk about the things that are bothering you but talking won't do any good unless you know HOW to talk about it. The traditional way that couples argue and fight ends up with no one listening, no one getting their feelings acknowledged, and no one getting their needs met.
By repeating back what your partner has just said, she is forced to put herself in your shoes and vice versa. This simple technique can do wonders for both of you.
Here's the reward for going through what might feel like a forced and artificial talking process. If she feels heard and acknowledged, she will feel so much better that she won't be as inclined to bug you.
And if you feel heard and acknowledged, you will probably be willing to do whatever it is that's so important to her. You won't be so resentful of one another and will be more likely to work together as a team. Everyone wins!
If both of you feel heard, it will be much easier to come up with a game plan that you can stick with. It will be easier to compromise and both do for each other what otherwise would feel like too much of a concession.
A few things to keep in mind about that turn you spouse into a nagging wife:
For more instructions on how to communicate more effectively, I highly recommend the book Magic Relationship Words.
Stopping a nagging wife isn't impossible if you keep this advice in mind!