Nice Guy Syndrome


nice guy syndrome - why this happens...(sometimes)


How does a man attract a woman? Every date I go on I get rejected by the same old line,"You're such a nice guy

How does a man build attraction from a lady's point of view? How does a man display confidence?

From my point of view women say they want a good man but reject good men and instead go to bed with "Bad Boys," have babies with them, and then complain men are bad. But the same woman rejected 12 wonderful men.

OK Ladies, please explain, and more importantly, how can a "Nice Guy" attract, get the attention of, and win over the love of a good woman?

Dear Robert,

500 secrets about
women every
guy should know...

The nice guy syndrome happens for a variety of reasons. But in order for a relationship to be successful in the long run, a man (and the woman too) has to be "nice" i.e. sensitive, helpful, emotionally open, a good listener, etc. But if a woman is looking for a one night stand or is just interested in casual dating, then she may very well be more attracted to men who you perceive to be "bad." Why is this? Because those so-called "bad boys" tend to exude confidence and masculinity, even though they might not necessarily be that good looking. Confidence and masculinity is very sexy and attractive. And what exactly do I mean by masculinity?

Masculinity has to do, not only with physical attractiveness, but also refers to a man's success in his career, how sexually aggressive he is, his emotions (or lack thereof), how smart he is, if he takes the lead and is independent, and various other things.

But generally speaking, women are interested in men who are BOTH masculine and sensitive. Can't a man have both qualities? Why do they have to be mutually exclusive?

Here's what might be happening with you and other guys who suffer from nice guy syndrome and complain and whine that women reject them and choose jerks instead. There is such a thing as being too nice. Do you go overboard trying to please a woman and do and say everything you think she wants? Women want a man who will listen to them and care about their feelings. But they also want a man who is not a wimp. Women reject men who come across as unsure of themselves, who are self-deprecating, who apologize on the first date for all their flaws, who are clingy or desperate, and who are pushovers.

How to be
cool with women

I briefly dated a guy who told me about his relationship with his previous girlfriend and he gave me a huge laundry list of all the nice things he had done for her: he painted the house she had just bought, retiled her bathroom, fixed various and sundry things all over the house, helped her remodel her new store, cleaned up after her dog, was supportive when her teenagers misbehaved, didn't complain that she kept photos of her dead husband all over her bedroom, and more. He would come to her house after he was done with his job and work all evening, night after night, for free. And she was a wealthy woman who could easily have afforded to hire people to do all of her remodeling. Whoa! I thought…here's a guy who thinks he has to do all this stuff either to win her over or keep her. This was nice guy syndrome to the max.

He was indeed a very "nice guy" but after a few dates I sensed a desperation in him that turned me off so I let him go. Was it because he was nice? No! It was because I knew there were screwy reasons why he was being nice. His niceness was coming from a feeling of neediness and wanting to be accepted. That's just how it felt to me. It didn't feel healthy and natural, like he wasn't giving purely for the joy of it, but because he thought doing all this stuff was the only way he could get a woman to love him.

How to make women laugh e-book...

Learn The
“Top Secrets To Dating”
And Find Your Soul Mate Today!

FREE:Want to find your soul mate?
Grab your complimentary subscription to the What Women Want From Men™ newsletter and get our
special report, "23 Top Secrets to Dating," without delay!

I'm not saying this is true for every nice guy out there, or that a man shouldn't do thoughtful things for a woman, but I'm suggesting that there's a reason why a guy would be rejected over and over and it can't be blamed on the women. If you've been rejected many times for the same reason, you have to look at YOU and what you're doing and not doing. The one common element with all the rejections is YOU. (I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just pointing out a fact.)

Don't be a doormat. Stand up for yourself, have your own opinions, have confidence in the man you are, in what you do for a living, in your sexuality, in your ability to be a good lover, in your appearance, etc., in addition to having the attributes of a "nice" guy. And if you aren't confident in some or all of these areas, work on them until you are.

Here's another angle. What about the woman who rejected 12 good men? If that really happened, would you want to be with her? If they really were good guys and she rejected them, then she has serious issues and you wouldn't want to be with her anyway. So I guess all of us have to take a look at ourselves.

I suggest you take a really long, good look at yourself and ask yourself if you might be acting in ways that turn women off. Do suffer from nice guy syndrome and don't even know it? If you have any female friends, ask for their opinion. If it wouldn't be too humiliating, ask one of the women who turned you down. This would take a lot of guts but you might learn a lot about yourself and get some very valuable information about nice guy syndrome. But understand that you won't get anywhere just by blaming women. Yes, sometimes they do pick jerks. But so do men pick women who aren't good for them.

Do nice guys finish last?

What do think about "Nice Guy's" problem? Is he doing something wrong?

Enter Your Title

Tell Us What You Think! [ ? ]

Author Information (optional)

To receive credit as the author, enter your information below.

Your Name

(first or full name)

Your Location

(ex. City, State, Country)

Submit Your Contribution

Check box to agree to these submission guidelines.

(You can preview and edit on the next page)

What Other Visitors Have Said

Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...

Why not just be comfortable about you. Nice Guy or Bad Boy!  starstarstarstarstar
If you are comfortable and confident in who you are, it doesn't matter if you are a nice or bad boy! If you've been rejected that many times (12), then ...

Depends  starstarstarstarstar
Nice guys are okay to an extent but girls like badasses. I'm 6'1 and 202 lbs and have a rebel attitude. Girls love that but they want a guy who will make ...

The Confession of a Former Nice Guy  starstarstarstarstar
I hardly recognize myself, which is why I am writing this. Through high school and up to my mid-20s I used to be caring and considerate towards women. I ...

Retracting your "Nice Guy" Image  starstarstarstarstar
I am/was a member of the "Nice Guy" club and it cost me my last relationship. I would do everything for my girlfriend and rarely spoke up with my opinion ...

Response  Not rated yet
Nice Guys finish last Every Time!!

Changing The Nice Guy  Not rated yet
I was the nice guy for a long time. I needed to change. I started to observe men who were successful with women. I also did some of my own research and ...

Nice guy romance   Not rated yet
Sometimes a man needs to be truthful about who he is. It's not easy to tell a lady what you like or hate about her doings. But you have to, because she ...

Stupid question because you know there is no right nor wrong!  Not rated yet
I don't like the word NICE which can mean many things. I like the word "a good man." I am French and it takes a French woman to teach you something.


Stop chasing and allow yourself to be chased  Not rated yet
"How can I attract, get the attention of, and win over the love of a good woman?"

Ever considered reversing this slightly?

You're trying to do this ...

Mr.  Not rated yet
hey there,

I think that possibly I suffer from this.

I'm 27, live out of home, own a car and motorcycle, work a good job with good pay and am always ...

Another nice guy...  Not rated yet
I think girls are attracted to just what you mentioned. The cocky, somewhat arrogant
guys seem to be more attractive to most women. That said, I think ...

Mr. Man  Not rated yet
This Article is right on the money. Be cool, confident, and full of life. She will want your light!!! Prayer is essential.

How to Be Nice and Get the Girl  Not rated yet
If you have fallen into the 'Nice guy' syndrome or have come to believe that 'nice guys finish last' then I'm here to tell you that you're "niceness" is ...

No More Mr Nice Guy  Not rated yet
This article about 'Nice Guy Syndrome' has really helped me to think hard and really look at myself to discover where I have been going wrong with the ...

A Woman's Mistake  Not rated yet
I wouldn't necessarily call a nice guy having a nice guy syndrome. That is rather a negative way of putting it. 'Syndrome' is a disease or sickness. I ...

Well, That is all very true  Not rated yet
I am only 19 years old and have finally figured out that being "too nice" is a major turn off for women. I read alot of articles about this and have alot ...

She complains about jerks all the time, so I should be the opposite.  Not rated yet
I used to have nice guy syndrome. I am still suffering some of its symptoms, but considerably less than I did four years ago.

Basically it comes down ...

Why nice guys struggle with women but always fail.  Not rated yet
I would like to say that it's true nice guy finish last. They do things that show the world that they are not worthy or insecure and so they don't get ...

The Man  Not rated yet
I think you're right. Maybe you have to realize when a woman wants you to be Nice and when a woman wants you to be Masculine. If you're one or the other ...

Our society has a warped perspective  Not rated yet
I grew up in a Catholic household and school. As I went into college I was a late bloomer and didn't have my first date till 19. To this day I still haven'...

Nice guy vs. interesting guy  Not rated yet
The guy above is doing something to turn women off, and it's more than just his niceness. Women don't want a brotherly type for a boyfriend. Agree that ...

Leave Nice Guy Syndrome and Return Home