The Switch


Dealing with "The Switch"


I am in a two month relationship with a woman.

She tells me that I am different than most guys, and that she sees a potential future for us. She says the intimacy and communication is far greater than anything else she has known, but in the last two days.....she has disappeared........after telling friends and family, that I am "the one!" I am so disillusioned and confused. I am backing off and not calling, emailing or texting.

What is happening here?

Dear Tracy,

That's the million dollar question. Sadly, 'the switch' is pretty common for both sexes. Here's what I think is happening.

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She was sincere when she said that she saw a potential future for you and really did feel close to you. But then, for reasons neither you nor me, and possibly not even she, can understand, something was triggered inside her, something that said,

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"Don't go there. It's dangerous. You'll regret it. Don't fall in love. Stick with what's safe and familiar...etc."

A part of her probably really does want what you have to offer, but a bigger, stronger part of her doesn't.

There are all kinds of reasons why people suddenly change their minds, without warning. It's hell on the people they are involved with, but one thing you can console yourself with is that it most likely doesn't have to do with you. The reason she pulled 'The Switch' on you and changed her mind has more to do with unresolved stuff from her past than because she found some flaw in you. So don't try to understand the reasons why she changed her mind, but DO understand that she isn't ready for a relationship.

I agree that you shouldn't chase her down. Leave the lines of communication open for awhile in case she wants to talk, but let her come to you. If she does, great. If she doesn't, be grateful that you got out of it without too much time and energy invested, take a short break, and get back out there and find a woman who IS ready for you.

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