Virgin Sex

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Virgin sex...When you are both virgins and starting a sexual relationship...

Dear WWWFM,

My wife of almost 10 months have a different sort of problem than most.



When we married, we were both virgins and didn't really know what to expect. The first time was sort of a disaster but we ended up laughing about it. We've had sex several more times since and it has gone much the same.

My problem is that I don't think I last long enough, probably between 1-2 minutes each time. I don't even know if I'm pleasing her. I've heard that it takes some time for a male to control his orgasm but I don't feel like I can control it any better yet. I just want to please her. I care about pleasing her more than pleasing myself.

I think we have a really good marriage and I don't want this to negatively affect us. I want to see how she feels about our physical relationship, but I doubt she would ever bring this up and I don't even know if she thinks there is a problem. Also I don't want to appear unconfident. What should I do?

Advice Re: virgin sex...

Dear Robert,

Secret Orgasm
Tips E-book...

I don't know if virgin sex is ever really fantastic the very first time. What's most important is that you knew each other well and really cared for one another, which made it easy to laugh it off. Not taking that too seriously was the right thing. As for you not being able to last and wanting to please your wife, there are plenty of things you can do. No one is born a great lover. Like anything in life, lovemaking skills have to be learned. If you haven't done this already, do some reading on the subject. People learn from experience and experimentation and talking with their partner about what works and what doesn't work, but you can learn a great deal from books. Here is the resource I recommend:

Give ANY Woman Screaming Orgasms by Alex Allman

It's a serious program that isn't trashy or pornographic, but actually very insightful.

 

Ideas for dealing with virgin sex...

You say you don't want to appear unconfident but I want you to get over that, at least when it comes to talking about sex, which you will have to do with your girlfriend, because you can't read her mind and she can't read yours. You don't have to have a long, serious discussion when you're in bed, but you can definitely say some things like, "Does this feel good?" or "Show me how you like to be touched," and take her hand in yours and encourage her to guide you. Or "Do you like it when I do this?" The main thing is you are showing her you want to do what pleases her. This will not come across as unconfident but as caring and sensitive.

After you get to know her likes and dislikes, you can proceed with confidence, knowing you are doing the things she enjoys. You should also not be afraid to tell her what YOU like. It's wonderful that you want to put her first but there's no reason she can't learn about your needs at the same time. It's a learning experience for both of you.

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In case you haven't heard, studies have shown that most women don't orgasm from thrusting alone. Lucky are the ones who are highly orgasmic but let's assume your girlfriend falls in with the majority. That means she needs direct clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm. You are going to have to use your finger or your tongue to accomplish this. Let me give you a little warning here. If you do it right, cunnilingus is the most incredible experience for a woman and you are liable to give your girlfriend Mind-Blowing Orgasms! But let's back up a little.

Make sure she is good and wet before you go fumbling around with your hands on her clit because let me tell you, it doesn't feel good at all to have a man probing down there before a woman has had a chance to get turned on and she is still dry. So don't necessarily go straight for her crotch when you've got sex on your mind. You two might be at the stage where you are both instantly aroused the minute you start making out but it's still nice to spend a little time on foreplay i.e. kissing, nibbling, stroking, licking, etc. on her erogenous areas. What are those? You have to discover them for yourself by asking her. But here are a few possibilities: her neck, the small of her back, her feet, the insides of her thighs, just to name a few.

Sex God E-book...

As far as not being able to last long, some common advice includes the stop and start method, where you simply pull out before you get to the point of no return and wait a few minutes before resuming. Another method involves either you or your girlfriend squeezing the tip of your penis for about 20 seconds to hold it off. When you stop for awhile and after you do a squeeze, that would be an excellent time to go down on her. Then you could get her almost to the point of orgasm and when you start up again, you'll have a good chance at a simultaneous orgasm. Condoms help reduce sensation, which would help you last longer, so you could try that.

It's not uncommon for young men to ejaculate prematurely, especially recent virgins who are new to sex. You will probably learn to relax more as time goes by. As you get more comfortable with your sexuality and become an expert at pleasing your girlfriend, you may find that you are naturally able to last longer.

I'm glad that you feel you have a good thing going with your girlfriend, but please don't be afraid to open the lines of communication about sex. If you are open and honest with each other and are willing to be explicit about what you like and don't like, you will have a great sex life.

Good-bye virgin sex...hello great sex!



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